BYR Achieve · 镜像论坛

【在 WaterQ 的大作中提到: 】 : 恩，现在大家材料都准备齐了，发这个是不是有点晚？ Introduction 不用写前言，序和绪论8 G2 ~1 b1 g9 C% T4 S It would never startle others when a senior student likes me 写PS的时候要注意,可以夸自己夸上天,但不能贬低别人,可以说自己很NB,但不能说自己NB因为其他学生都不行.wishing to pursue her postgraduate study in biomedical engineering. The purpose of my undergraduate study was fixed when the university arranged us in the Pharmaceutical college- either medical or pharmaceutical, that was what we had been told since entrance. 这句话是废话,删What makes me really determined to pursue my postgraduate study in biomedical engineering was the summer internship in August, 2008.为什么一个暑假的实习能让你确定了你的将来,你在实习的时候遇到了什么?到底是如何思考的,这一点需要进一步挖掘.从下一段看,你把这个经历分析写在后面了,可以衔接在本段后,不用另起一行. / X5 y+ \( s/ t/ Y! O" [' L 8 V. I6 `5 O& s% f3 FWhy Biomedical engineering7 K% s( K- h( n5 q9 P e6 z$ ? During this summer internship, I found myself to be fascinated by those biomedical apparatus and materials. 前一句的阐述不到位,then是转折语气了，但是事实上这个语义还没有表达完全。Then, I crazily scanned through articles and papers in biomedical region - including neural interface, scaffold fabrication, fibrin matrices, computer modeling of physiological systems, Bio-MEMS, and orthopedics. 这一句也是废话，重点不在于你都看了些什么，而在于你看到了什么。Under supervise of Professor XXX at the Institute of Biomedical Engineering in XXX, I started on the trials of biosensor. I’ve tried to immobilize certain antibody on optical fiber in order to detect certain antigen accurately. From the data searching, experiment designing to the reagents preparation of the experiment, I found I was excited to work on my own, to be independent, and to try new methods. When I found a new method that might possibly work through mountains of articles, I jotted it down, and analyze it, and in this way I simultaneously made up a brief summary of those possible methods, and this summary surprised my supervisor.对于实习期间的所作所为的表述不到位，作为一个教授看来，你的这些描述都是很普通的，任何一个实习的普通学生都可以做到这些，没有闪光点。 At the end of this internship, I suddenly 这种修辞上的问题要注意，前途是要经过慎重考虑的，教授可不希望看到你申请他的学生是“突然”天外感应而来。realized that the creation of a new application such as new biosensors, are requiring the interdisciplinary knowledge, wide horizon and innovative ideas. I have aware of what it takes to be a researcher. Besides, I have learned how fulfilling and interesting research could be. Biomedical engineering is a field where a creative mind would be pushed to its limit, where one could exhibit his/her utmost potential, where diversity and broad range of knowledge would be highly appreciated. In addition, it was the most activated research field- where a Ph.D. will be well prepared for a very promising career.和前面一样，看不出为什么你在这个领域里具有闪光点，具有别人所没有的优势，因而能让教授看到PS的时候说，嗯，这就是我想招的学生。 - z1 |$ k1 @8 |5 p/ k9 p2 R 1 Y9 Z2 {% v! E6 V' t# L My career goal PS是一个连贯性的文书，不用特别划分不同部分，另外PS是结合你的兴趣和以后的规划而写出来的一个连贯的，一气呵成的文书，而不是CV的加长版。8 {8 v( ]; G2 Y" K 8 W; d+ h# z6 f# Z5 A" t$ hInterested in XXX researches and in improving techniques used in the XXXXXXX, I am very committed to pursuing biomedical engineering and believe that your postgraduate program will provide me with an excellent foundation in the area of biological systems and psychopharmacology. I have no doubt that the program will push me to my limits, I am confident that I can face the rigorous challenges posed by postgraduate study and thrive under the demanding environment that advanced studies entail.表决心的语言太多了，而且很空洞，可以这么说，通过一个个试验或者学习，我的优点一点点地显示出来，坚定，动手能力非常强，解决问题的能力很强......等等，这样就可以结合下一句的描述了。 In my sophomore, I was elected as the member of university chorus. We have training sessions at least three times a week, approximately 3 hours each time. I was also selected to join in all the performances in that year. Besides, I joined in several associations with regular weekly activities. I joined in designing competition, cooking competition, opera performance competition, etc. and won several awards. I maintained physical exercises several hours per week. PS不是每日活动总结或者是学习日程一览表，单就这样列出你曾经做过什么，根本看不出你的优点在哪，也看不出你通过这些活动学到什么。Enriching my school life with diversed activities, you could see from my transcripts that not only am I a smart time manager but also a well-balanced student both in academic and leisure time. 这一句是废话，删。Overloaded and exhausted by off-school activities at the beginning of my junior year, I spent too little time on my studies compared with my time in chorus and societies.同前面，删。Meanwhile, my time in university chorus began to become a job more than fun. I decided I needed to reprioritize my life and place more time on academics. I gave up the university chorus and spent more time on studying, then, I started to once again do well in school. While this gave up was particularly difficult for me, I overcame the obstacles I confronted and became a stronger person because of it. 教授要找的不是学习呆子，而你这两句说明你在安排学习时间和休闲时间上有问题，教授希望看到的是，你要有自己的生活，也能不让生活影响了工作和学习，这2句是画蛇添足。Also, I believe that the experience I went through will help me overcome difficulties in the future and help to make me more strong and self-reliant. Being told that mathematics is quite important to be an engineer, I have set priorities on all the three mathematical courses as you can see in my transcript. I am obviously not the students who devoted themselves only in study, but I am the one who are smart enough to set priority appropriately and enjoy the diversity of life.和前面的描述不吻合。 Reading about biomedical engineering and expecting new clinical treatments is one of my passions. I never mind to be a mad scientist 这种话就不要写出来了，你不介意教授还介意呢。更何况MAD，不是什么褒义词。if I could some day emancipate people from dying of malfunction of their cells, tissues, organs and nervous systems. I’ve seen how painful it is to have chronicle diseases, especially cancer. Each time, doctors would take a something apart from patients, sometimes, their lives. Thus, be able to release their pain and compensate their tissues and organs as much as possible are my ultimate ambition.你对于医生也好医学也好生物医学也好，有自己对于这些的看法和认识吗？为什么会有这些看法和认识？什么原因触动了你对这一领域的追求？就因为你大学读了4年，所以要继续读下去？好好想想，挖掘自己在这方面的感受 I have dedicated my undergraduate years to preparing myself for graduate work in biological research. Once receive my doctorate, I intend to pursue research on XXXXX while teaching XXX to undergraduates at a small, medical school, similar to the one I attended. In the years ahead, I look forward to teaching as well as continuing my research. In the company of such greats as XXX, XX, and XXX, I endeavor to leave behind my own contribution on the nature of biomedical world.这一段都是废话，删。评分：2/5

Re: [转帖]ps讨论楼