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During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, “P = 0 or N = 1.” Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the whiteboard.
在他被 Google 面试的时候，JD 被问到 P=NP 何时是真的，他说，p=0 或者 n=1。然后，在面试官还没笑完的时候，他看了一眼 Google 的公共数字签名，然后在白板上写下了私钥。
Compilers don’t warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers.
编译器从不警告 JD ，JD 警告编译器。
The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB 2.0.
JD 编码的速度在 2000 年末飙升到 40 倍，当时他把他的键盘升级到了 USB 2.0.（3.0 的话会怎样？）
Jeff Dean builds his code before committing it, but only to check for compiler and linker bugs.
JD 在提交前编译代码，只是为了检查编译器和链接器的 bug。
When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard.
=-= 如果 JD 被人体工程学改进了，那是为了他的键盘。
All pointers point to Jeff Dean.
所有的指针指向 JD。
gcc -O4 emails your code to Jeff Dean for a rewrite.
gcc -O4 把你的代码邮寄给 JD 重写。（额，O3最高，平时）
Jeff Dean once failed a Turing test when he correctly identified the 203rd Fibonacci number in less than a second.”
JD 曾经挂掉一次图灵测试，当时他在一秒内正确地验证了第 203 个 Fibonacci 数。
The speed of light in a vacuum used to be about 35 mph. Then Jeff Dean spent a weekend optimizing physics.”
真空中的光速曾经是 70 码，然后 JD 花了一个周末优化物理。
Jeff Dean was born on December 31, 1969 at 11:48 PM. It took him twelve minutes to implement his first time counter.”
不懂
Jeff Dean escews both Emacs and VI. He types his code into zcat, because it’s faster that way.
JD BS Emacs 和 Vi，他把代码码进 zcat 里，因为那样更快。
When Jeff Dean sends an ethernet frame there are no collisions because the competing frames retreat back up into the buffer memory on their source nic.
楼下翻译了。
Unsatisfied with constant time, Jeff Dean created the world’s first O(1/n) algorithm.
因为对常数时间不满，JD 设计出世界上第一个 O(1/n) 的算法。
When Jeff Dean goes on vacation, production services across Google mysteriously stop working within a few days. This is actually true.
JD 度假时，Google 的服务就会无缘无故的罢工几天，这是真的。（豌豆公主）
Jeff Dean was forced to invent asynchronous APIs one day when he optimized a function so that it returned before it was invoked.
JD 被迫发明了异步 API，那天他优化了一个函数，这个函数在进入前就返回了。
When Jeff Dean designs software, he first codes the binary and then writes the source as documentation.
当 JD 写软件的时候，他先是写二进制，然后写源代码作为文档。
Jeff Dean wrote an O(n^2) algorithm once. It was for the Traveling Salesman Problem.
JD 写过一次 O(n^2) 的算法，那是为了旅行商问题。
Jeff Dean once implemented a web server in a single printf() call. Other engineers added thousands of lines of explanatory comments but still don’t understand exactly how it works. Today that program is the front-end to Google Search.
True: Jeff once simultaneously reduced all binary sizes by 3% AND raised the severity of a previously known low-priority python bug to critical-priority in a single change that contained no python code.
JD 在一个 printf() 调用里实现了 web 服务器，别的工程师添加了成千上万的注释，仍然无法理解。这个服务器就是 Google 现在在用那个。
JD 同时将所有二进制代码缩小了 3% 而且将一个已知的低级的 python bug 提升到了严重的基本。一切都是在一个不含 python 代码的更改里实现的。
Jeff Dean can beat you at connect four. In three moves.
JD 能在第四次链接打败你，在 3 步以内（不懂）
When your code has undefined behavior, you get a seg fault and corrupted data. When Jeff Dean’s code has undefined behavior, a unicorn rides in on a rainbow and gives everybody free ice cream.
如果你的代码有未定行为，你会得到一个段错误和奇怪的数据。当 JD 的代码有未定义的行为，一只独角兽驾着七色彩虹而来，给每个人送去免费的冰淇淋。
When Jeff Dean fires up the profiler, loops unroll themselves in fear.
当 JD 操起优化器的时候，循环们惊恐地展开了自己。
Jeff Dean is still waiting for mathematicians to discover the joke he hid in the digits of PI.
JD 仍然在等待数学家们发现他在 π 中隐藏的笑话。
When Jeff has trouble sleeping, he Mapreduces sheep.
JD 失眠时，他 Mapreduce 绵羊。
When Jeff Dean listens to mp3s, he just cats them to /dev/dsp and does the decoding in his head.
JD 听 MP3 的方式是：把他们 cat 到 /dev/dsp 然后在大脑里解码。
When Graham Bell invented the telephone, he saw a missed call from Jeff Dean.
Graham Bell 发明电话时，他看到了来自 JD 的未接来电。
Jeff Dean’s watch displays seconds since January 1st, 1970. He is never late.
JD 的手表显示自从 1970 一月一日的秒数，他从不迟到。
Jeff starts his programming sessions with ‘cat > /dev/mem’.
JD 用 cat > /dev/mem 开始他一天的工作。
One day Jeff Dean grabbed his Etch-a-Sketch instead of his laptop on his way out the door. On his way back home to get his real laptop, he programmed the Etch-a-Sketch to play Tetris.
不译
Jeff Dean writes directly in binary. He then writes the source code as a documentation for other developers.
重复
Jeff Dean once shifted a bit so hard, it ended up on another computer.
JD 有一次 shift 一个 bit 用力过猛了，结果那个 bit 窜到了另一台机子上。
The x86-64 spec includes several undocumented instructions marked ‘private use’. They are actually for Jeff Dean’s use.
x86-64 的文档里有许多不做说明的标注着私有的指令。其实就是给 JD 用的。
When he heard that Jeff Dean’s autobiography would be exclusive to the platform, Richard Stallman bought a Kindle.
当听到 JD 的自传会发布在 Amazon 上时，Richard Stallman（他用龙芯笔记本）买了个 Kindle。
Jeff Dean can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
JD 能写无限递归函数，呵呵，然后让它返回。
Jeff Dean can unit test entire applications with a single assertJeff Dean can determine the exact position and velocity of an electron.
JD 能用一个断言来做整个程序的单元测试。
JD 能测出一个电子的准确位置和速度。
Jeff Dean doesn’t kill processes, he slays them.
JD 不杀进程，他谋杀他们。（？）
Why did Vint Cerf invent the Internet? Because Jeff Dean didn’t have time.
为什么 Vint Cerf 发明了互联网？因为 JD 没空。
All Jeff Dean’s code is pure. For fun, he once wrote a function with a side effect, that side effect is known as Gmail.
JD 的所有代码都是纯的。有一次他为了取乐子写了一个带副作用的函数。我们现在都知道那个副作用——Gmail。
这是一条镜像帖。来源：北邮人论坛 / joke / #630894同步于 2013/1/6
该镜像源已超过 30 天没有更新，可能在源站已被删除。
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Jeff Dean's facts 【已翻译】
qiukun
2013/1/6镜像同步12 回复
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【 在 qiukun (邱焜) 的大作中提到: 】
: During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, “P = 0 or N = 1.” Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the
: Compilers don’t warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers.
: The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB 2.0.
: ...................
Jeff Dean was born on December 31, 1969 at 11:48 PM. It took him twelve minutes to implement his first time counter.”
1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Jeff Dean当初面试Google时，被问到“如果P=NP能够推导出哪些结论”，Jeff回答说：“P = 0或者N = 1”。而在面试官还没笑完的时候，Jeff检查了一下Google的公钥，然后在黑板上写下了私钥。
编译器从不警告Jeff Dean，只有Jeff警告编译器。
Jeff Dean的编码速度在2000年底提高了约40倍，因为他换了USB2.0的键盘。
Jeff在提交代码前都会编译一遍，不过是为了检查编译器和链接器有没有出bug。
Jeff Dean有时候会调整他的工作环境和设备，不过这是为了保护他的键盘。（注：ergonomic evaluation似乎针对个人的工作环境定制服务，所以这里姑且就译成了“调整工作环境和设备”）
所有指针都指向Jeff Dean。
gcc -O4的功能是发送代码给Jeff Dean重写。
Jeff Dean有一次没有通过图灵测试，因为他正确说出了斐波那契数列的第203项的值，在一秒钟内。
真空中光速曾经是35英里每小时，直到Jeff Dean花了一个周末时间优化了一下物理法则。
Jeff Dean出生于1969年12月31日午后11点48分，他花了12分钟实现了他的第一个计时器。
Jeff Dean既不用Emacs也不用Vim，他直接输入代码到zcat，因为这样更快。
Jeff Dean发送以太网封包从不会发生冲突，因为其他封包都吓得逃回了网卡的缓冲区里。
因为对常数级的时间复杂度感到不满意，Jeff Dean发明了世界上第一个O(1/n)算法。
有一次Jeff Dean去旅行，期间Google的几个服务神秘地罢工了好几天。这是真事。
Jeff Dean被迫发明了异步API因为有一天他把一个函数优化到在调用前就返回结果了。
Jeff Dean首先写的是二进制代码，然后再写源代码作为文档。
Jeff Dean曾经写过一个O(n^2)算法，那是为了解决旅行商问题。
Jeff Dean有一次用一句printf实现了一个web服务器。其他工程师添加了数千行注释但依然无法完全解释清楚其工作原理。而这个程序就是今天Google首页的前端。
真事。Jeff Dean有一次只提交了一项变更就使得（总的二进制文件体积缩小了3%）AND（一个本来优先度较低的python bug的优先度变成紧急），并且在那项变更中不包含任何python代码。
Jeff Dean can beat you at connect four. In three moves.（这句没看懂，还望看懂的同学指点一下orz）（补译：Jeff Dean可以下四子棋时用三步就击败你。——感谢lx同学们的指点。）
当你的代码出现未定义行为时，你会得到一个segmentation fault和一堆损坏的数据。当Jeff Dean的代码出现未定义行为时，一个独角兽会踏着彩虹从天而降并给每个人提供免费的冰激凌。
当Jeff Dean运行一个profiler时，循环们都会恐惧地自动展开。
Jeff Dean至今还在等待数学家们发现他隐藏在PI的小数点后数字里的笑话。
Jeff Dean的键盘只有两个键，1和0。
Jeff Dean失眠的时候，就Mapreduce羊。
Jeff Dean想听mp3的时候，他只需要把文件cat到/dev/dsp，然后在脑内解码。
Graham Bell当初发明出电话时，他看到有一个来自Jeff Dean的未接来电。
Jeff Dean的手表显示的是自1970年1月1日的秒数，并且从没慢过一秒。
Jeff Dean写程序是从’cat >/dev/mem’开始的。
有一天Jeff Dean出门时把笔记本错拿成了绘画板。在他回去拿笔记本的路上，他在绘图板上写了个俄罗斯方块打发时间。
At this time, the fastest computer
in the world is the NEC Earth Simulator, which clocks 40 trillion steps per second. Even on
this machine, fib1(200) would take at least 292 seconds. This means that, if we start the
computation today, it would still be going long after the sun turns into a red giant star.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etch_A_Sketch
Jeff Dean doesn't kill processes, he slays them.
說Jeff Dean“殺”進程是不禮貌的。要用有文采的說法：“進程虐，Jeff Dean往而誅之。”